whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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