I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
