I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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