his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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