Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize