So drunk its hurt
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
