I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
