I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
