i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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