He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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