I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
