the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
