Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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