i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
