You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
