.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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