omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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