I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
