Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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