My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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