I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
