Heybabeimwearingurpanties
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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