id be glad to
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize