Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
