a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
