I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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