Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
