I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
