he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
