Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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