How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Help. Why am I so naked?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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