The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
