what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
