you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
