Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize