I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I am naked and annoyed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
