i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
