did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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