What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
