dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
