When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
