3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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