I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What a dumb baby whore.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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