I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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