420 ftw
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
