operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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