Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize