pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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