I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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