Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
