I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
