I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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