I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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