Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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