I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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