i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
