And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
