My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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