Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
