Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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