As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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