it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
