Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
