how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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