Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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