The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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