he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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