We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
