I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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