i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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