I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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