I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
