she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Shame is for Republicans.
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