The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
