ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
