Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize