Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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