I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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