I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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