Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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