my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
