I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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