Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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