high people should be assigned attendants
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The beer is more important than you right now.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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