I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
