and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Farmville is her only friend.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
