the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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