DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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