The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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