The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just invented taco cereal.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
