she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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