brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
