so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I will be naked everywhere
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
