I just pynch a tree in the face
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize