There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
