4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
