If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your penis caused this!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
