He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize