i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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