Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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