nutella sex= disaster
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
