I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
