why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sorry my hands just texted you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
