Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
how drunk are you?
Several
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize