im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
