So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
