I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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