What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
