I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize