maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize