I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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