You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
