fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
