I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
