I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The adults are the big ones right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
