pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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