I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
